Monday, October 18, 2010

day nine: drifted

someone i didn't want to let go, but someone who just drifted...

to be honest, there are a lot of people in my life who have drifted away, but most of the time it's because i kinda let it happen, usually not on purpose like i don't set out to be like "i'm going to phase this person out of my life" but it just kinda happens naturally because we're all busy people and schedules clash a lot and we just don't see each other as much. i'm kinda horrible at keeping tabs on people that i don't see very often. i mean, i rarely talk to anyone from high school, and its not because these people were mean or awful, its just i don't care so much anymore. i just don't do well with trying to catch up with everyone and everything going on in their lives, when i can barely keep up with the people i see more frequently. i mean i hope they are doing well and i hope they are happy, but i don't have enough motivation to really try to talk to them and catch up. that's probably why i never made those "lasting friendships" at EFY or anything, because i just never really could handle the stress and the obligation of chatting with all of them. its just easier to be friends for a week, and then forget about it. anyways, i have a whole list of friends that i have just let leave my stage of friendship, and thats fine, because well if they have left, its usually a mutual thing. both of us have gotten busy, and talking to each other just isn't a priority anymore and if they wanna talk to me, thats fine, but i don't really openly pursue re-kindling friendships with them. perhaps that means i'm a bad friend, i think i probably am. but i can't help the way i am. i am a "phase friend" i guess... i have a hard time keeping friends once i'm out of a phase.

so there's jackie sitko, she was my bus/swim/polo buddy. i used to talk to her about EVERYTHING. i "rescued" her from her house one time when both her parents were gone and she just didn't want to be alone, and i ended up running over a bark pile in her neighborhood and we had to wash my car at like midnight... then we made "mmmm.. chocolate cake batter" while we talked about anything and everything. she also was where i ran to first when i ran away from home, she hid me for a few hours and even lied to her mom about me being there. i owe her big time, she really kept me sane at times. love her, i hope she's doing well, and i hope she's gotten rid of her stupid boyfriend.

hannah skarsten, my polo/swim buddy! love her too, she was there for me when i really really needed a friend. she could always make me laugh, she was outspoken and opinionated and never intimidated by people who were older than us, and i was always jealous of it. and i just loved jamming out with her to "Le Disko" by Shiny Toy Guns on the way to polo practice in her subaru, even when she scared the living daylights out of me because of her crazy driving. even though she's small, she is a fiery girl, and i hope she's doing well in school and her long distance relationship is working out.

i feel bad, but this is just how things go. i just don't talk to people much if i don't see them. i mean i have a hard enough time keeping tabs on the people i DO see all the time. ah, life makes you so busy, and sometimes, you gotta sacrifice i guess.

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