Thursday, September 30, 2010

day one: hate

So, my Alexa friend is doing this thing because one of her friends is doing this. and i think i would really enjoy doing it as well. it's called "30 Days of Truth", so for 30 days you write about each of these topics, and i'm excited to do it! it'll be very interesting to learn about myself. so here we go!

day one: thing that i hate about myself

i hate that i rarely stick to my guns.
1) tonight i'm going to bed at 10:30!! i mean it this time!... 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock, 1 o'clock... well shoot, guess i should go to bed now.
2) i'm going to read my scriptures EVERY morning and EVERY night. well i can't i have work... it's too early... i'm too tired... it'll be ok if i miss this one time... i'll read double later...
3) i will not make out with joel tonight- ok we can kiss a little... a minute isn't so bad... 5 minutes, not a big deal... ok just 100 more kisses...
4) i'm going to write my paper DAYS before its due. or i can just stay up for hours and hours the night before...
5) i'm not going to spend a lot of money today... but i NEED this... but i'm hungry... but this will last me for such a long time! i donate plasma so it'll be fine...
6) i'm not going to eat so much today, because i'm gaining weight. oh but i've been walking around a lot...but i haven't eaten out at all, today... but i don't have time to eat later...
7) i'm going to clean my room today! but i can just shove it in the corner and you can't hardly tell its there...
8) i'm going to clean my car today! inside and out... but that requires me spending money... but i'm not supposed to be spending money... i'll clean it out some other time... at least sometime before winter...

anyways... you get the picture. i hate that i can't seem to follow through... i guess its a self control thing... i just suck at times and it really frustrates me, but i suppose its just an awful habit of mine. i procrastinate. WAY too much.


i am constantly getting surprised these days...

~*~ the relief society presidency was released on sunday. it really was a shock to me! i went to the presidency meeting at 10:30 like i did every sunday, and Norma asked if the bishopric had gotten a hold of us during the week, and kass and i just looked at each other... "Noo..." So norma was just like "Oh well, we're getting released today." WHAT?! i really really was not expecting this... and i'll honestly say that i'm sad. really sad. i was really starting to get into it, i was really looking forward to the next few months, but i suppose Norma had been a president for a little over a year, so they released her, and the counselors with her. I tried really hard to not cry when i found out. i don't know what i'm going to do... i loved that calling. i loved it so much.

~*~ great grandpa wood passed away. it was a little unexpected that he would have such complications, but once he was a vegetable we knew it was time to let him go. now he can be with grandma nella, and grandpa wood, so i'm sure he's happier. we had his funeral on monday down in cedar city. so we took a waaayy long family road trip. but it was a lot of fun, i mean its horrible to say i feel, but i had a lovely time with my family, even if it was at a funeral.

~*~ miss kelli floyd is ENGAGED! yep yep. she said yes on monday night this week after her and hector went to california. i was waiting for this, i mean i knew it was imminent, it just still is crazy to think about her and hector really tying the knot... after all of our plotting and daydreaming... haha. the big day is supposed to be december 18 somewhere in southern california.

~*~ lil sis has a boyfren. his name is juel. haha. we think its funny- Juel and Joel. yeah yeah, i guess me and her are more alike than we care to admit sometimes ;) haha.

~*~ i brought Joel to a family dinner on sunday after church, he was sweet enough that he came to my church because i was teaching a lesson, and also had a talk, and this was after his church even, so he went to 6 hours! he's such a good boyfriend :) and so i brought him to my house for a dinner. aunt jen was there, grandma, all my sisters, and my parents. the dinner was fantastic (so much better than what i had planned for me and him to eat) and the conversation was just so... my family. haha. we were utterly ridiculous! i love my family so much, i love our dinners so much! we just laugh, and sing, and tell stories, and talk about spiritual stuff, and laugh some more, we tease, we just have the best memories there. i miss dinner with my family. they are so wonderful :) Joel did fantastically despite how crazy everything was. he said he had a great time, that he was inwardly laughing at the chaos, and thanked me for inviting him to come along. my family likes him. a lot. steff even said she has never liked any of the guys i've liked before, but she does like Joel. which is definitely something i can live with :)

~*~ i realized that i think i love Joel. i realized this when he was sitting with me at the Scera Theatres' version of Hairspray. he hated being there. haha. musicals are SO not his cup of tea. he was just, enduring it. but he was just so cute. he was willing to sit through 3 hours of something he doesn't like just because i had asked him to. i don't know exactly why i realized it precisely, i knew that when i looked over at him and he had a look of such un-interest, i just said in my head "I love him."

~*~ one of my closest dearest and most loved friends has decided to not believe in the gospel anymore. this hurts my heart more than anything. she says she questions it all. she says there are so many holes. she posted something incredibly sacred online for people to just read, i didn't read it, i don't want to know, all i know is what she posted is sacred, and i don't know why i feel like i do, i don't know why i feel so hurt because of that because i don't even understand the magnitude of it all, but i just know that my heart hurts for her. hurts for her insensitivity. and i just don't understand... she used to believe. i know she did. and yeah maybe part of it was that we were young, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true. these things used to be sacred to her... and i just don't know. i think life has made her heart a little hard. and i cried when i found this all out. i just love her so much... and i just don't know what to do... what to say... i don't want to do anything stupid and say something that would hurt her feelings or push her further away from the church... but i just worry. and i care so much for her... and i just want her to be happy. and i know that she isn't right now. i suppose that is what i really want more than anything... i want her to be truly happy. so if this is what makes her happy, even though i know it really won't in the long run, i suppose i don't want to try to stop her.

~*~ this is a silly one: the 30 Seconds to Mars singer swore at me at his concert on Saturday. haha.


(just fyi, i started this one a reallll long time ago, but never finished it. i wrote this September 16th and am now just posting it)

soooo... i have a boyfriend again :) this is happy news i do believe. his name is Joel Russell Anderson (note the ON and not EN, it symbolizes eternalness or oneness with God or something something... one time he ranted about how the way his name is spelled is the better way, and it was just funny. haha) ANYWAYS, sidetrack! so me and Joel have been official for about a week now, but we pretty much have been dating ever since we met, which was July 10th. huh... i think its kinda weird i know that... but oh well. so we made things official on September 10th. So we have been dating for about two months. and guess how long he has been off his mission? THREE months. sooo... yeah! you be the judge. this is a little fast. however if he had had his way we would have been made official a loooonng time ago. which probably would have made his parents even more upset. oh yeah, they definitely do not support Joel dating me. mostly because they don't want Joel to get married yet, and they think i'm a player :-/ which is frustrating, because i'm not. and they only think that because i didn't want to get in a relationship because i wanted him to get to know other people and especially other girls and stuff. i just can't win. sigh. but oh wells. soo about me and joel. we are two shorties. haha. we are the same height (my hair is bigger sometimes though). we get along really well, most of the time anyways. haha. he has a really jealous side to him which i don't love, but in its own way its kinda cute. he makes me smile. A LOT : D