hope

had an incredible experience at a fireside earlier with Elder Cook. this gospel continues to amaze me. and then i found this picture, and i just couldn't help but think it was perfect. short and sweet. the end.

papercut

Don't you hate it when you get a papercut? Like you're doing your own thing, trying to find that stupid paper for history class, or the syllabus to check on your homework, or rifling through all your notes to study your brains out and then out of the blue your feel a little slice, and suddenly your finger is bleeding and it hurts! UGH! they are just so awful. I hate them, and unfortunately I get them far too often. But it gets to the point where I can manage to work around them, and they don't really bother me, until I do something stupid like, peel an orange, or decide to use alcohol based hand sanitizer, then as soon as I decide to do those things, I immediately regret the decision as a sharp stings starts taking place in that stupid papercut. And suddenly all I can think about is the pain, and everything else becomes less important. Just for a little bit though, then the pain subsides and I'm able to cope again. That is until I do something stupid again, and the lovely cycle starts all over.

I suppose in a way I'm speaking metaphorically, I currently have a papercut, but its on my heart. And sometimes I do stupid things that will only cause me pain. Like blogstalking or getting hopes up for ridiculous reasons. But I suppose, that I'll just have to look past these moments, and move forward and learn to cope again. But I am only human, and therefore still weak at times. And I guess, sometimes I have to remember, that I don't have to be strong all the time. Especially, when it comes to the heart. It doesn't make me a bad person to admit that I'm still recovering.

yes, I'm talking to you.

you know who you are.

I doubt you still read this, but on the off chance that you do,

 I just want to say, I still love you.

serendipity

if I had to pick a song to be a theme for my life right now, this would be it. I just heard it on the radio, and well, I fell in love. Here we go!

Sweet Serendipity
by Lee DeWyze

I ain’t got no car
And I've got one pair of jeans
They’ve been stretched too far
And now they’re weak at the seams
I can’t say what’s next
And I got nothin' up my sleeve
But I don’t lose my head
Cause it ain’t really up to me

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity

I don’t ask for a lot
No nothing more than I need
Because I love what I got
Don’t need to play the lottery
I just want to be strong
At the end of the road
I don’t want to hold on
I want the strength to let go

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity

And what will be will be
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I aint gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity
Like Sweet Serendipity

Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Just see where the wind will take you
You never know when you're gonna fall
But I'm not worried
No I'm not worried

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happend yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity
Sweet Serendipity

Sweet Serendipity
Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Sweet, sweet
Sweet, sweet
Sweet Serendipity
Sweet, sweet
Sweet, sweet
Sweet Serendipity
I don't know
Sweet Serendipity

not a teen

Twas my birthday Monday, and in all honesty, usually I dislike my birthday, but it was a really good day! I am so incredibly blessed! AH! I am so lucky guys!

I started off by waking up at like 7:30, a minor miracle in my book, since it was my birthday, and on my days off I usually sleep in to at least 11. haha, but I woke up and left the apartment by 8 and made it to the temple by 8:15. At first, I was kinda sad, since I had planned to go with someone and they bailed on me, so I was a tad bit emotional, but it was hard to stay like that when I was in the Lord's house. I brought my scriptures and just sat and pondered for a while, and just felt an immense sense of peace at whatever happens next in my life. All will be well. All is well. Life is beautiful.

I left the temple at like 10:15, then went to my parents house and I made myself a birthday breakfast with my puppy dog. And called some people who had called while I was in the temple. Then I went back to my apartment to get ready for my big adventure for the day- snowboarding! So I went with a friend from one of my classes, who also had the same birthday as me, so we went up to Sundance and it was SO MUCH FUN! I think I have a new hobby I want to pick up. I didn't think I would like it as much as I did, but holy oh my goodness, it was a blast. I definitely will have to budget next year so I can buy all the stuff necessary for this new hobby. Then we went and got birthday cake shakes from Iceberg, cuz you get free shakes on your birthday! They were really skeptical that it was BOTH our birthday's though... haha.

Then I showered, got all ready, got my hair all done, then met up with my family to go to dinner. We went to Tempanyaki, my all time favorite resturaunt ever. I mean they make all the food for you right there in front of you! Plus there's a TON of it! I got yummy rice, lo mein noodles, salmon, grilled veggies, and teriyaki chicken. It was incredible, as always! Then we rolled back to the house, seriously, we were all so full, and then my Mom got the cake she made me, and I blew out the candles. Then we were all so full, I ended up just taking half the cake home with me to put in my fridge.

Then I got back to my apartment and watched one of my favorite movies of all time with some of my favorite people. Sherlock Holmes at Sarah's. Need I say more? I don't think so. It was awesome. I love Robert Downey Jr.

I ended my birthday with reading my scriptures, and nearly falling asleep praying. It was incredible! What a way to spend my 20th birthday! It was nothing like I thought it would be a week ago, but that's fine. Life throws you curves, and you just have to roll with the punches. Life is beautiful.

redneck

i had a redneck adventure on saturday. and i don't know what i would have done without my darling redneck friend natalie. haha. i picked her up from her casa on saturday after she got done with work, and then we went to cafe rio and had an awesome girl catch-up dinner. we talked and talked and talked some more! i love friends like nat, where we don't have to see each other too terribly often, but when we're together we act like no time has passed. its AWESOME.

so we caught up on each others lives, then i took her off to go with me to go to one of my co-workers birthday parties. now i didn't really know where chellyn lived, i had a pretty good idea, but i wasn't completely sure, but i figured i could just wing it! so we head off, blasting music in my car and we find what we think is chellyn's house. so we park and traipse off to the front door and knock andd..... a rather large mexican man answers the door instead... haha. i was like, "Ohhhhh... you are not chellyn!" so he tells us where he thinks her house is at (he was totally wrong just btw), and so we run back to my car feeling like idiots for going to the wrong door. we jump in, and i go to turn the key annnndddd... nothing. car won't start. i try again, and again, and again. what?!?! why wouldn't it work?! we had JUST got out of the car and it had been working just fine! soooo, i call chellyn and tell her the situation, and she laughs her butt off on the other line, then sends jensenne and mark to come jump my car. haha it was ridiculous! so it jumps real easy, and then nat and i drive around for a few minutes so to build a charge, then we literally turn a corner and the very next street is where the party's at, it was within walking distance. haha.

anyways, we park again, then go in to the party. there were so many awkward couples! just the kind that were ALL over each other, and then the people who were single, were all really good friends with inside jokes and what not, and so nat and i tried to involve ourselves, butttt it was awkward. so when the only other single people were leaving, we decided to leave too. haha. so it was around 11, and we went back out to my car, anndddd it doesn't start again! it was ridiculous! so we quick grab two guys to jump our car for the second time of the night. they laughed when we told them it was the second time, then said we should probably drive around for a bit, so thats what we did! we jammed to some music and we drove up state street and 800 north for at least like 20 minutes.

then nat had to pee. so she picked the walker's/wendy's gas station where all her redneck friends hang out to go to the bathroom. so we pull up next to three majorly lifted trucks in my little accord. then we go do our business, and come back out and my car won't start AGAIN! so nat convinces one of the rednecks to jump my car, then go with us to wal-mart, help pick out my battery, then jump my car again for the FOURTH time, drive to nat's house, then replace my battery. it was such a ridiculous night! i didn't get home til like 1 o'clock! haha. it was a crazy night, but i had so much fun, and it was exactly what i needed. a ridiculous night with a crazy adventure with a good friend. hooray for rednecks :)

apart

i was prepared to love you.
to give you all my heart.
i never would have guessed,
that you preffered us apart.

the hope that i had gathered,
of us working out someday
was shattered in an instant
when you felt a different way

i thought we needed time
a little time to be alone,
to know who we are and what we had
i felt thats what i was being shown

you said we were too different
that it wasn't meant to be.
but i had hoped with all my soul
that again we would sing "mango tree"

you say you want me happy,
but baby can't you see?
that you could have made that happen
if you would stay with me.

you think i deserve better,
but baby can't you see?
i thought you were the one,
i wanted you to be with me.

you said "its not the end of the world"
that "everything will be alright."
but that doesn't help my tears,
that are pouring out tonight.

(this is my last sad post. i will not be making anymore about this subject. it is done. el fin. my heart is broken, but that is that. he doesn't feel the same. so why be sad when he is not?)

Listen to Your Heart

lyrics brought to you by The Maine.
and loved by me :)

"We're too young, this is never gonna work"
That's what they say, "You're gonna get hurt"
But I know something they don't.
I hear your heart, it's beating right in time.
Right from the start I knew I had to make you mine.
And now I'll never let you go.
Don't the know that love won't lie.

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
Don't listen to your friends, they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Listen to your heart.

This promise doesn't have to be so loud,
Just whisper, I could find you in a crowd.
I think it's time we ran away.
Your father says I'm not good enough for  you.
Your mother she thinks that this is just a phase,
I think that we should run away.

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
Don't listen to your friends, they would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Listen to your heart.

You gotta listen to your heart.
Go on and listen to your heart.
Come on and listen to your heart.
It will tell the truth,
It will set you free,
It will say that you were meant for me,
And this is where we're supposed to be.
Yeah!

Don't listen to the world, they say we're never gonna make it.
But I know we'll make it.
Don't listen to your friends, the would've never let us start.
Don't listen to the voices in your head,
Love will never ever let us fall apart,
You gotta listen to your heart.
Go on and listen to your heart.
You've gotta listen to your heart.
Come on and listen to your heart.
Listen to your heart.