Wednesday, November 24, 2010

mango tree

"I wish I had a mango tree. In my backyard.
With you standing next to me. Take the picture.
From her lips I heard her say, "Can I have you?"
Caught up in what to say, I said, "You do." "

I can just picture this everytime I hear this song..With one hand on my lower back, one hand holding mine, we dance under the stars, in the grass. He holds me close as we slowly shuffle in a circle as his lips brush my ear as he whispers the lyrics to the song to me. Our song. The song. My favorite song.

He's amazing.

No, I would never say he is perfect, that would be a lie. I certainly am not perfect. Our relationship is far from perfect. Sometimes, he drives me up the wall! Sometimes I make him so agitated. Sometimes he is utterly ridiculous. Sometimes I'm ridiculously emotional. But we always work things out. We never leave each other angry.

I love him.
I love who he is.
I love the person I know he will be.

Where this will go, I don't know. But right now, I don't even care. I just want to be with him.

day fourteen: let me down

so it's been a while, but i promised myself i would do these things! so here we go again...

i've never really had a hero who really let me down... i don't even think i've really even had a hero. There's never really been someone who i so admired or adored that i wanted to be just like. so i'm trying to think of something else to write about, and i can only think of one thing that is even remotely similar.

finding out santa wasn't real.

now THAT was a major let down. however, it really shouldn't have been as big of a let down as it was. so my mom is just reminding me (since i was asking what age i was when i discovered the "santa scandal") that in fact prior to the santa incident, i found out about my mom being the tooth fairy. now i don't remember really discovering that truth ( i mean i always thought the fairy's handwriting looked a lot like mom's...) but apparently, i threw quite the little fit. saying how my parents had "betrayed" me, and "how could you lie to me like that?" and stating "i will NEVER do that to my kids!" yet somehow, the discovering of the fake fairy didn't translate over to christmas time. so seeing my parents setting up christmas under the tree was still very surprising and disappointing.

i was about ten. i couldn't sleep, went down for a glass of water, and low and behold "Santa" was just mom and dad staying up really late. i was shocked! then it all made sense... all of the little creatures and people that you don't see, ARE NOT REAL. that meant tooth fairy, leprechauns, easter bunny, AND santa.

man, the magic just ran right out of that holiday. and in all honesty, ever since, i haven't been able to muster up much excitement for christmas. don't get me wrong, i love all the festivities and things that go along with the holiday, but actual christams eve and day aren't all they're cracked up to be for me anymore. perhaps it'll be different when i have kids. it better be at any rate!

this is a surprised face i found, i'm sure it is very similar to mine after seeing my parents.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

don't tempt me


stop with the cakes.
the pictures. the dresses.
the centerpieces. the tablecloths.
the shoes and addresses.

stop with the invites.
the catering. the rings.
the showers. the colors.
all the weddingtype things.

too many friends are heeding the call
the one of eternity
the one that lasts for it all.

yes i know you're in love.
yes i know it can't wait,
because marriage i'm told is
"Totally great!"

but i'm not ready for that
the timings not right
but sometimes...
i lie there thinking at night...
thoughts give me some feelings...
that i don't want to fight.

i want to get married.

but shhh, don't you dare tell a soul!
because wanting that thing...
that isn't my role!
i'm the one who is scared!
remember that part?
the one who can't fathom giving my heart?

but alas, it has crossed my mind, one time or two.
and i thought i might share this knowledge with you.
but its not my main goal.
i still have some time.

but when i endure conversations day after day
those feelings grow stronger...
don't tempt me i say!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

day thirteen: me and Sara

hands down if i had to pick an artist that has gotten me through the bad times, the good times, the whenever times, it would be Sara Bareilles. i love her music so much! my good friend sara barber showed her to me once upon a time when i was working at gonescrappin', back when she was first being produced, before she was a big radio sensation. i fell in love with her song "Fairytale" and then luckily sara let me have her copy of the cd, called Little Voice. and now i am addicted, and i think it is the most phenomenal collection. when i start listening to Sara Bareilles nothing else matters but the music. like seriously- if i have her playing in my car and you are sitting right there, i don't want to talk to you at all. i'm just being honest. i just want to sing. the world vanishes. all that's left is the music and the words and the feelings they bring. i don't care about my homework, job, boyfriend, money, friends, its just me and Sara. And for a little while, that's just fine. she is my escape.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

day twelve: tell me

well in all honesty i can't really think of what i don't get complimented on. i don't really live for compliments, i don't really need them to feel good about myself, i can do that just by doing the right things and knowing that i'm doing the right things. i don't need people to tell me i'm smart, i know i am smart and am able to understand the hard things. i don't need to be told i'm mature for my age, i already know i'm not a typical drama queen.  i don't need compliments about how beautiful i am, i know when i'm looking pretty, every girl does. i don't like to fish for compliments, i think its tacky and desperate. so i don't know what really to say here... i guess i wish people would say i'm a good time to hang out with i guess. i wish more people would be like "HEY! come with us!" but i mean i have plenty of friends who do that, but it just would be nice to have more. :)