Tuesday, May 19, 2009

ready... or not?

so... i'm graduating. this is supposed to be HUGE. the moment i've waited for my entire childhood life. i mean honestly i remember sitting as a 6th grader going "OH MY GOSH i still have SIX more years left!" I never thought that this moment would come so fast. and yet it is right on top of us! in approximately 10 days i walk. i recieve my diploma and i'm done. done with high school for FOREVER. wow. i can't even wrap my mind around that. its like i'm not even excited for it, because it doesn't even seem real. AT ALL. i don't feel old. i don't feel ready to face the world. i'm NOT READY. i guess thats it plain and simple. i feel like i missed out somehow- like some people go on saying how much they HATE high school. and honestly- i don't think i hate it. i love school actually. i really like to learn. i hate certain classes yes, but school in general, no. i mean i feel like i missed out on something here. perhaps its the school, and my graduating class here. i don't feel apart of it really. it doesn't feel like its MINE. but neither does my other high school. nothing belongs to me. i feel in limbo in a way. but i do know that i have my friends- friends from both schools who are mine. they're the people i love and will miss. they're the ones that make me feel at home- regardless of where i am. as long as my friends are around- I AM HOME. i dunno... so i'm just trying to go out with my head held high. knowing i conquered something that has held many life lessons and memories for me, and something that will go with me throughout all my life.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


i hate failure. but mostly i hate the feeling that people think i'm going to fail. i'm NOT a failure. yet sometimes people seem to think i am. that really aggravates me. if its something i really want- i will take care of it. i DO take care of it. i don't need people to tell me what to do about my problems- i'm a big girl- i can handle them myself thank you very much! so if people would just let me handle things- life'll be good.

Friday, May 1, 2009


what is it about attraction that makes people so ridiculous? why is it that when people find themselves attracted to somebody they're over the top EVERYTHING? like honestly- why do we have this effect on eachother? why do we do or say stupid silly things to eachother? i don't understand. all i know is that attraction is powerful. it effects everything and most everybody. it makes us think a million things at once, it makes us second guess ourselves, makes our hearts race, pits sweat, face redden, the works. but its wonderful- the swooping sensation, the daydreaming, the electricity you feel when you accidentally touch, it keeps you motivated to look your best and to be your best- most of the time anyways. its a fabulous feeling- when you have it. and there are days when i really miss this feeling. where is the man who will sweep me off my feet? and not sweep me under the rug?