florida

I'm moving.
In August.
To Florida.

I don't know if I'll get the EFY job, something tells me I probably will get shafted, I hear its really hard to get in your first year. But regardless, I'm going to take my math class this summer (after I study take the accuplacer and get in the 1050 class) so I can get my associates degree and justify taking a semester off. I'm also going to work- doing whatever work I get hired to do. I may stay at Trinity, just til August though. However, if I do get EFY, I'm gonna quit. Anyways, I'm going to save money this summer, as much as I can, so that in August, I can pack up my car and drive through 9 or 10 states to the lovely state of Florida with my best friend Alexa. Call it reckless, call it impulsive, call it whatever you want, I call it taking a chance. I want out of my comfort zone. I'll get a job at Disney World or wherever, I still want to look at how much CNA's make out there, and live far away from home where I'll get a good dose of living in "the real world".

I really am excited about this plan- I really like this idea. And despite what many "nay-sayers" may say, I really think Lex and I can make this happen. She's already going crazy over finding us a place to live at, I'm pretty much good living anywhere where I can have my own room and isn't going to send me into debt. She's getting a puppy. We're gonna get walkie-talkies. It's gonna be good, I just feel it. There are just a few things I need to do before I go.

1. Obviously, have money saved up so I can afford it, and have a cushion just in case I can't get a job right away.
2. Sell my lease at my apartment. I think it'll sell well, since I've renewed several times, my rent is cheaper than most, so it should sell more easily.
3. Get my car checked out. It kinda makes a funny clicking noise when I turn left...
4. Buy a GPS. I'm going to want it for the trip across the country, and when we're in Florida.
5. Get a credit card. I need to get working on building credit.
6. Quit thinking things between me and Joel are going to somehow miraculously work out again. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Just tell that to my stupid heart that keeps holding on to hope, despite me trying to distract myself with phlebotomist guy and etc. It sucks, but I'm just still in love with Joel. But moving to Florida will make it impossible for it to work out, so that'll be good. The sooner the better I say.

So... Dear Florida,
     I cannot wait to be in your warm climate. It's almost April, and it snowed. I know you would never do this to me. I'm tired of monotony. I want an exciting and drastic change, and I think you can provide this. No more mountains. I want a beach. Sand and the ocean. And being tan. You also provide the chance to live with my best friend again, but this time not on a mattress on the floor of my room, but in our own apartment with a puppy dog. The boys here break my heart, maybe some sunshine and Disney World can make it feel better. I hope we can work things out Florida, I really am excited.

All my love,
       Britt

and run

I'm taking this song to heart. I desperately need a major change. I've been doing the same thing for just about the past two years, and I need to switch it up. I think that will really help me, with everything. I'm going to quit my job this summer. I applied, and interviewed for, an EFY job this summer, and I really hope I make it, but even if I don't, I'm going to do something different. Work somewhere thats more social, with people more my age. I might transfer somewhere in the fall, if anyone would take me. Change schools, wards, apartments. It sounds like a very welcome opportunity. It's a beautiful thing to realize that things don't have to stay the same as they are the now. I can do whatever I want. Go wherever I want. So that's what I'll do. In the words of this song, I"m gonna run :)

And Run- He is We

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh,
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh,
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.

Kinda wish I had the courage,
A bit of bravery.
So tired of waiting on a man to come and save me.
Wishing I had everything,
Or something really.
I do admit it,
But now I'm thinking freely.


I'm going to open my mind to all these,
New found exciting possibilities.

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I'm making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Gonna grow up, Be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.
And run.

Filling my head with words to encourage me,
Gotta get my act so straight so I can truly believe.
That what I'm waiting for, is really worth the wait.
Stop bringing myself down,
I gotta know what makes me great.

I'm going to open my mind to all these,
New found exciting possibilities.

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I'm making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)

Gonna grow up, Be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.

I am trying to get past this,
Be better than I once was.
Tired of waiting, on someone else.

I am trying to get past this,
Be better than I once was.
Tired of waiting on someone else,
I can fix it by myself.

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.
I'm finally taking a stand,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
I've learned from all my mistakes.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
I'm making all my own plans,
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Throwing all my old ones away.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)

Gotta grow up, be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.

Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh
Run, run, run, run.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Run, run, run, run.
(Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.)
Oh ah oh ah oh ah oh oh.

gospel

I can't sleep, so I'll share things that have been on my mind this evening:

This gospel never ceases to amaze me.
I have such faith in this church, I don't know how I ever questioned it.
I don't know how I could ever want anything more than to be a faithful member.
It helps me through the hardest trials.
It helps me through the tiniest problems.
I don't know where I would be without it.

I know that the Atonement is real. It is the most incredible gift that I could ever be given. It changes lives. It has changed mine, and I can never forget that, never deny that. And my big brother Jesus Christ is the reason for why I am able to repent from all the stupid things I do. I am eternally in his debt, and I hope I can help repay him someday by being the best person and example I can be to those around me.

I have such a testimony of Bishops, and how they are called of God, and really do have stewardship in order to recieve revelation for his members. My Bishop is like my Dad. He's the best! He's like a wise teddy bear. I can talk to him about anything, and he knows exactly what to say, and how to help me.

I have a testimony of priesthood blessings and all the good they can do. I never knew how completely wonderful priesthood blessings could be before, how much they can help heal. I only ever recieved blessings when it was the begining of the school year, getting a calling, or getting my patriarchial one. Never had I gotten one because I was in emotional distress, and it was incredible to feel the after affects.

I know that other leaders are called of God as well. That the men called to the Quorom of the Seventy are inspired men who have important messages to give to the rising generation. Elder Cook and Elder Munday have had profound lessons to teach us, and they have sunk in my soul. I love to hearken to their voices.

I am so grateful for the amazing people in my life who are able to help me along my way. The good friends who encourage me, for my residents who always make me smile and remind me who I am, my parents who love me unconditionally, my grandma who is such an example to me, and again, the incredible leaders who have such an impact on my life.

I know that this gospel is here for me to enjoy, and that even when I am sad, deep down I truly am happy, because I have this gospel in my life. Everything will work out okay. I have faith in the future, that I will be even happier then.

I am so blessed. So loved. I wish everyone could feel the happiness that I do.

iPod scorn

I swear, my iPod is out to get me. Every song seems to remind me of him... gah! Sad songs seem to have taken a priority above all else. (Please note that I am okay, that I know that this is what is supposed to happen, but it seems that I have rough days every once in a while.) These are just some of the lyrics that have really stood out to me lately.

Worn Out Dime- Todd Lippord
(not a published song, but lyrics he wrote)
I thought this was a game, and you would come back for me
now all I want is to be flipped over, so at night the stars are all I see
I guess this is what life is like when you're a worn out dime
if everything is going good it's only a matter of time.

Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri
And who do you think you are?
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

Life After You- Runner Runner
Letting go
Now the worst is over
You should know I'm okay
I'm so moving on
I'm so over you
So what now?
I wanna breathe now
I can live again
Scream out loud every now and then
Go and get back everything
You took from me
I wanna get back friends I used to know
Stay out late at the killer show
Ridin' downtown like we used to do
And just be me
I wanna breathe, I wanna be
I wanna sing, I wanna believe
All the things I can do
There's life after you

Papercuts- Runner Runner
Who do you want?
It’s more than a crush
Loving you only gave me papercuts
Something so real, taught me never to trust
Loving you only gave me papercuts
You gave me papercuts

Gonna Get Over You- Sara Bareilles
Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday (someday)
say it's coming soon,
Someday without you,
All I can do is get me past the ghost of you,
Wave goodbye to me,
won't say I'm sorry,
I'll be alright once I find the other side of
Someday

Life of the Party- Rocket to the Moon
You puzzle like a jigsaw
You love me, now we don't fit together
I used up my last straw
I thought I would drink you forever
But now you're my last call
Never shoulda told you that I fell in love
'Cause you turned me right around
And threw me down and now I can't get up
You'll be sorry, just you wait and see
But let's get one thing straight
You're gonna regret you left me

Virginia Bluebell- Miranda Lambert
Pretty little thing, sometimes you gotta look up
And let the world see all the beauty that you’re made of
‘Cause the way you hang your head nobody can tell
You’re my Virginia Bluebell
My Virginia Bluebell
Put a little light in the darkest places
Put a little smile on the saddest faces

On a Lonely Night- A Rocket to the Moon
It's been forever, but lately it's been hard
Like when we took your parent's car
And drove forever in the dark
I'd give it all away if I could I see you
Once again and have a summer love
Growing close and never go
On a lonely night you will see
You're everything to me (you got everything)
On a lonely night oh the truth is
Every night is lonely without you
Every night is lonely without you here

If there was one song to just summarize everything that I feel on my "rough days" it would be this one. Leave it to good ol' T Swift to tell it how it is. haha, the song is ridiculously accurate to my life.

Back to December- Taylor Swift
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time