overrated

now i'm an adult. i am the big 1-8. and i am all graduated. and it seems like the world has been thrown upon my shoulders. suddenly i have to worry, suddenly i have to start thinking even further into the future. its intimidating! singles ward, checking accounts, apartment leases, my own cell phone. remind me why its amazing to be old again? remind me why i want to pay for everything myself and desperately search for a job to be able to afford it all?
being old is overrated.
i feel so inadequete.
like i won't be able to do this all for long. can i quit being old? can i go back to the days when i was cinderella and my daddy was prince charming? or how about the days when i played with my sisters day in and day out? i think that i cannot. no matter how much i feel that i still belong in those days of safety and security.
sigh. continue onward i suppose. thats all i can do. and i will do it, not without fear, but onwards all the same. because this is also a thrill. to be on my own, to do exactly what i want! the possibilities are limitless! but at what cost? the cost of growing up.

ready... or not?

so... i'm graduating. this is supposed to be HUGE. the moment i've waited for my entire childhood life. i mean honestly i remember sitting as a 6th grader going "OH MY GOSH i still have SIX more years left!" I never thought that this moment would come so fast. and yet it is right on top of us! in approximately 10 days i walk. i recieve my diploma and i'm done. done with high school for FOREVER. wow. i can't even wrap my mind around that. its like i'm not even excited for it, because it doesn't even seem real. AT ALL. i don't feel old. i don't feel ready to face the world. i'm NOT READY. i guess thats it plain and simple. i feel like i missed out somehow- like some people go on saying how much they HATE high school. and honestly- i don't think i hate it. i love school actually. i really like to learn. i hate certain classes yes, but school in general, no. i mean i feel like i missed out on something here. perhaps its the school, and my graduating class here. i don't feel apart of it really. it doesn't feel like its MINE. but neither does my other high school. nothing belongs to me. i feel in limbo in a way. but i do know that i have my friends- friends from both schools who are mine. they're the people i love and will miss. they're the ones that make me feel at home- regardless of where i am. as long as my friends are around- I AM HOME. i dunno... so i'm just trying to go out with my head held high. knowing i conquered something that has held many life lessons and memories for me, and something that will go with me throughout all my life.

failure

i hate failure. but mostly i hate the feeling that people think i'm going to fail. i'm NOT a failure. yet sometimes people seem to think i am. that really aggravates me. if its something i really want- i will take care of it. i DO take care of it. i don't need people to tell me what to do about my problems- i'm a big girl- i can handle them myself thank you very much! so if people would just let me handle things- life'll be good.

attraction

what is it about attraction that makes people so ridiculous? why is it that when people find themselves attracted to somebody they're over the top EVERYTHING? like honestly- why do we have this effect on eachother? why do we do or say stupid silly things to eachother? i don't understand. all i know is that attraction is powerful. it effects everything and most everybody. it makes us think a million things at once, it makes us second guess ourselves, makes our hearts race, pits sweat, face redden, the works. but its wonderful- the swooping sensation, the daydreaming, the electricity you feel when you accidentally touch, it keeps you motivated to look your best and to be your best- most of the time anyways. its a fabulous feeling- when you have it. and there are days when i really miss this feeling. where is the man who will sweep me off my feet? and not sweep me under the rug?

i forget

isn't it nice to just be yourself? because sometimes i forget who i am, sometimes i forget what really makes me laugh, sometimes i forget what i think is stupid, sometimes i forget what i really want. sometimes i'm not me at all. but then i have days where i forget that i care, that i forget people are watching, that i forget where i've been, that i forget my mistakes, and i know where i'm going. and its on those days that i remember this is how i should be everyday of my life.

how?

how do you make somebody feel loved? how do you tell them they have so much to live for and breathe for and work towards? i just don't understand how we all get so down these days- but whats more i don't know how to help people up. i try and i try and i try! but words are mere words- and unless you believe them- they mean nothing. just a bothersome noise in the air. i just don't know what to do... just don't know how to help. if i could change the world for them i would. if i could search the earth for the happiness and the acceptance and love that they seek and deliver it to them- i would. but i can't. so i'm stuck here with my empty words.

the beginning

i'm not even sure where to begin on this... i mean its blogging, i never really understood what it was, or what it did, or why would people even do it?? but now i see it as a way of expression you know? a way that others can see what you think and believe- but its a little less... in your face. its more of an "if you have time" type of thing. which is kinda nice.

so i named my blog "life goes on" because its probably my favorite saying- and i literally say it all the time. because life really really does go on. say you're having an awful-terrible-no-good-very-bad-day day, and we all have those, you know the days, you just have to remember that later in life, this day won't even matter! so don't dwell on it! chances are, in most cases anyways, you'll forget about the incident by the end of the week! so don't let bad days get you down! i mean its ok to have a bad day and moap about it every once in a while- but don't make it everyday. cuz sometimes it drives people up the walls ;)

just remember life goes on :)