i feel like a stranger in my own home.
sometimes i wish i didn't worry about family.
sometimes i wish i didn't want to come home.
maybe it would make things easier.
i just never feel like i'm doing it right.
i never feel like i'm ever enough.
that the things i do, the choices i have made,
will never let this house, with these people,
feel like home, where i am unconditionally welcomed.
i've hurt them too much.
its with caution they allow me to be here.
and yes it is christmas.
it is a time of love.
among family and friends.
but being here.
these people i love.
we are just acquaintances.
we don't know eachother.
i can't help but feel,
that i'm a burden.
i cause pain.
i am not who they want me to be.
so i should just go home.
but i am home.
so maybe i should just go
it might be easier that way.