Friday, September 25, 2009

shades of green

i'm a very jealous person. yep i've recently discovered this. i frequently end up having to stop myself from judging myself against other people- but i usually never stop before i actually do the judging- so the damage is already done. i mean i never saw myself as a really jealous person. but lately i've discovered i have little fits of jealousy just about every single day, i just never let anyone know. so i'm coming out of the closet. i get jealous. every. single. day. about silly things mostly, but just know that when i compliment you, i'm probably secretly hating you deeep deeeeep down in my heart, only because i wish i could be more like you. so in a way its a compliment right?? haha, ok so its not really, only because its detrimental to me. i need to stop being so critical of myself. baby steps, and i think that just acknowleding it is the first step. so here is a list of things, things that i get jealous of. little everyday things.

I'm jealous because some people....
don't have jobs and pretty much only worry about socializing
2- have parents who pay for pretty much everything
3- are SOOOOO photogenic!
4- are terribly more creative and intellectual than i
5- have much better music taste than me
6- have no major regrets
7- have the confidence to strut
8- have the confidence to wear whatever, and WORK it
9- are terribly more witty and clever
10- can get things done at work much much faster than me
11- stand up for themselves and aren't doormats, ever.
12- are much skinnier than i
13- have really cute clothes and much better style
14- aren't afraid
15- will say exactly what they want to
16- don't procrastinate
17- have one of those smiles that just makes the world better
18- don't get embarrassed easily
19- don't have a duct-taped window
20- are far better organized
21- say very profound things
22- don't say stupid things that make people give you the 'wtf ' look
23- can go to the temple
24- don't worry about hurting people's feelings
25- are better friends than i am
26- have more friends than they know what to do with
27- know exactly what they want and how to get it in life
28- are much better at math than me
29- don't care as much as i do bout certain things
30- get through the yellow light and i have to stop at the red

So there you go, a petty list of my petty jealousies. I know i really have no reason to be jealous, my life is so truly amazing! i have so much to be grateful for! and i am so blessed, i know i am. but that doesn't mean that i don't have these silly feelings getting harbored up on the inside. so now that they are released, maybe, just maybe, i can let them go, and move on from them.

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