Thursday, September 17, 2009


well... this is not an unfamiliar place for me nowadays. it seems like every couple of weeks i'm back to the same old question, with the same old feelings, with the same old advice from everyone else, and with my same old uncertainty as before. i just don't know what to do. and yet, i have to make a decision, at somepoint. i can't be a fence sitter, i can't have both ways.
sometimes i hate decisions. most times they are great tho! i love choosing between what comfy scrubs to wear, what breakfast cereal to eat, how to do my hair, what flavor of ice cream i want to savor, what song to listen to, what time to go to bed, what color of pen to use, how much i can budget for spending, etc. etc. i LOVE making those kind of choices. the ones that will only effect what, minutes? and at most, hours of my life? but then there are other ones... other choices that can change the rest of you life. and well... i'm just not a fan of those particular decisions . and its not like i'm even making those decisions right now, its just that the decisions i do make right now, will determine how soon i have to make those life-changing ones.

and i want to make the right choices. i really really do. and i know what i want in my future. but i'm afraid. afraid of a lot of things. afraid that what it is i want isn't right. afraid to lose him. afraid to be alone. and i'm afraid to disappoint. afraid to disappoint my heavenly father. afraid to disappoint my family. afraid to disappoint him. afraid to disappoint myself.

1 comment:

  1. Brittany, dear.
    i miss you. i hate knowing your having such a confusing time in your life and i can't help.

    decisions, decisions.
    the ones that will effect the rest of your life are the hardest to make. example: emancipation.

    but you know.. even if you do screw up. theres always more life. theres always more time to fix things. always. there is time to work through things, there is time to grow and mature and most of all there is time to start over.

    but the most important thing about making decisions that will affect the rest of your life is that you need to make them for yourself. because its what you really want. because its what you really need.
    sometimes its so hard to remember that, that you need to do whats best for yourself sometimes also. but you can't keep yourself torn between what everyone wants from you and expects from you.

    and if you feel like your not getting any real answers. perhaps its time to try something new?

    the scriptures say that when something is true it should feel right in your heart and your mind. logically and emotionally.

    i know your not looking for answers, even if you were i couldn't give any. all i can do is let you know how much i love you. how much i will always love you.