the end

some people call me brave... smart... wise...  and mature when it comes to choices i make. but right now i only feel sad... lonely... empty... and anti-social. people think i can handle this so well... but the tears i've cried share a different story. and for some reason, tonight is just extra hard.

i miss us. the end.

happy?

what is being happy anyways? how do you know if what you are is happy? how do you know if its happy enough? how do you know if what you want is really what is good for you? how do i decipher how i feel? how do i know where the feelings come from? how do i not hurt people? how do i not break people's hearts? how do i know if i'm being unreasonable? how do i know i'm being too tolerable? how do i know when i should put my feelings above others? how do i decide to make such hard decisions? how do i not overreact? how do i gain back trust? how do we fulfill each other's needs? how do i keep those special moments of unconditional love around? how do i forget the pain i feel? how do i forget the tears? how do i know it would work? how do i know it wouldn't work? others make it work, how do i know this isn't the same? how do i know this isn't how things are supposed to feel? how do i know that the feelings i have are genuine? how do i know whether this is worthwhile? how do i know whether its a waste of time? how do i know what my next move is? how do i know this is real?

so many questions... so few answers...

eliv thade

eliv thade
unscramble the letters then you will see
the words that they are meant to be

live and death
together they play
affecting our lives each passing day

together they bring
tears of sadness
and of gladness

in the beginning
the new mother holds the new baby's hand
holding her son, thinking him grand

together they live
then as the aging years pass them on by
the son cradles his mother, as its her turn to die

the cycle goes on
and tears are constantly shed
the comings and goings of the living and dead

but the love that they have
it is heartwarming and real
the type of love you can look at and feel

that kind of love
is the love that i saw today
the love of a son as his mom passed away

it warmed my whole soul
to see him comfort her there at her bed
and it broke my heart to see the tears that he shed

but he was there for her
til the very very end.
til he had to leave his mother, his teacher, his friend.

i do love my job
yet at times it does make me sad.
but seeing this type of love, it helps, just a tad :)

In loving memory of V.R.
<3 <3 <3